Trail Mix

Every morning I hike a few miles in Sabino Canyon, a beautiful spot in the Santa Catalina Mountain Range that began its formation over 12 million years ago. Hiking is one of the most exciting ways to explore the magic of the Southwest.

I like venturing off the beaten path, but even those who hike the main trail to the top of a mountain are expected to follow some basic rules:

1. Runners and hikers are expected to yield to equestrians, which makes a lot of sense unless you enjoy getting run over by a horse.

 2. Bicyclists are supposed to yield to everyone and to announce themselves when they are behind someone. They should avoid using a bullhorn, because that could spook a tourist, and spooked tourists leave bigger scat than non-spooked tourists.

 3. Anyone going downhill is supposed to yield to those gasping on their way uphill.

4. Groups of women should not block a trail, but if they do, it’s best to let them go ahead of you, so you don’t think you are being followed by a flock of cackling chickens.

5. Using headphones or ear buds is not a good idea, because you might miss a shout of “ mountain lion!” “I didn’t hear it coming” would look dumb in your obituary.

6. If you plan to go any further than the parking lot, carry water, wear a hat, bring sunscreen and carry a cell phone. I even carry a soccer whistle in case I come across game, and in the mountains that can be some game!

7. If you hike to the top of the mountain, remember you have only hiked half way, unless you want to jump off.

8. Leave no trace that you have been there. That means if you quaff an energy drink, you should have the strength to toss the can into a dumpster.

9. Share a friendly greeting. I often ask camera-snapping tourists if they’d like me to take their photo to include the photographer. Most visitors are thrilled, but not if I order someone to get into the picture and he doesn’t know those people.

10.  If you see a celebrity, leave him alone. One day, I spotted the model, Fabio running down the path with his long hair flowing behind him. Unfortunately, he was wearing a shirt.

During the summer season, we suffer a shortage of rain, but not a shortage of stupid. Someday, I’d love to own a tee shirt with a picture of a big cigarette and the words, “Keep your butt off of my trail.” By the way, everyone stops when a rattlesnake crosses the road. No one cares why he wants to get to the other side. Of course if you sit on a big rock to rest your footsies, you just might find out.

Esther Blumenfeld (there’s a tarantula on my welcome mat)