Umbrage---Take It Or Leave It

There are two secrets to becoming a writer:

 1. Place a chair in front of a computer, spread super glue on the seat of the chair--- and then sit on it.

  2. Get over being easily offended.

Over the years, I have collected enough rejections to paper the inside of a large city bus. Had I been easily offended, I would never have submitted my work elsewhere, nor enjoyed having my articles and books published, and my plays performed. As the saying goes, “No guts, no glory! Cal Taylor, an expert in creativity used to say, “If you get a rejection, wait a year and resubmit. Maybe they will have learned something.” A modicum of talent, extreme stubbornness, and several layers of thick skin are required.

Here are some actual quotes from some of the editors I encountered on my journey as a writer:

 “This is not what I want, but I don’t know what I want.”

“I am the most gifted editor you will ever work for, and I doubt that you will satisfy my high standards.”

“This article is too funny for our readers.”

“We cut the punch line out of your humor column, because we needed the space for a hemorrhoid ad.”

“Your book gave us lots of laughs and we all loved it, but we decided not to publish it.”

And then there was the rejection from a national magazine. The editors inadvertently left their notes to one another in the returned manuscript:

“Myrna, this is extremely funny. It’s a one-pager. I think we can get it for $500. What do you think?” And Myrna replied, “You are right, it’s hilarious, but do we need humor?”

Even a professional is allowed a little scream in one’s own garage.

Recently, I received an e-mail from my friend, Richard Lederer, the well-known linguist and writer of numerous funny books on language. He complimented me on a recent article, but gently pointed out a typographical error. He wrote, “I hope you aren’t offended.” My mother did not raise a fool. Why would I be vexed to have a famous writer edit my work---and do it for free?

However, if he sends me a bill, all bets are off!

Esther Blumenfeld (wishing certain editors an interesting life)