YUCK

“Icky” may be an old fashioned word, but I can’t think of one more appropriate for the latest hands-on museum, that opened in October, in The Big Apple. I always thought that weird phenomena began on the West Coast and worked it’s way East, but this time the 8000-Square Foot SLOOMOO INSTITUTE, dedicated to slime, definitely wins the Off The Wall prize.

Sloomoo (replace the vowels in slime with “oo”) costs $38 a ticket in order for a customer to participate one time in the 6-month celebration of “everything slime.” A person can even don a poncho and goggles to be doused in the stuff, but if you want that experience, it will cost another $30.  I think handy-wipes are free.

Granted, it is a messy experience, but devotees of slime claim a health benefit when playing with the stuff. It makes them feel “rejuvenated and relaxed.” Some people get euphoric “brain tingles,” (there is an assumption in there somewhere) a sensory experience called ASMR (autonomous sensory median response) not only from playing with slime, but also from watching slime videos. Anyway, I guess it’s kind of like getting goosebumps from hearing a rousing speech or listening to a bit of moving music.

Obviously, there’s money in slime.  Politicians have known this for a long time. Nichole Jackyline, of Grand Rapids, Michigan is a top slimer enlisted by Sloomoo. She’s been on You- Tube since 2013, and brings in between $5000 and $10,000 a month selling slime making merchandise and supplies on-line.

Finally, trying not to be too dismissive, such as calling slime devotees, deplorable, I discovered  that slime has been around for a long time. Exactly, what is slime? Technically speaking, it is a “cross-linked polymer” scientifically known as a “non-Newtonian fluid.” The history of slime goes way back to the 1830’s when polymer scientists, Nathaniel Hayward and Friedrich Lundersdorf found that adding sulphur to raw natural rubber prevented it from getting sticky.

In 1968, SILLY PUTTY went to the moon on Apollo 8, and in 1976 Mattel came out with a jiggly slime toy in a plastic garbage can. Nickelodeon has used slime to dose contestants starting in the 1980’s. And in 2014 slime videos fromThailand spread all over the world.

I guess all of this slime can’t hurt people unless they try smoking it. Personally, I’d rather get goosebumps from Martin Luther King’s, “I Have a Dream” speech. I know that many of my friends get that reaction from hearing the song, “Amazing Grace.” But to be fair, some speeches as well as tunes can be “icky.”

As far as I know, the world is still spinning on its axis, and I suspect that the slime craze will eventually slide into the annals of history.

Esther Blumenfeld

A FOOT HERE AND A FOOT THERE

By now, most of you know that hiking in the mountains is my favorite exercise. In the summer, I have to be on the trail no later than 6 a.m. and home by 7:30 a.m. because, even after a relatively cool evening, the desert heats up fast.

Now, it’s winter in Arizona, and “Yes,” it can get very cold at night—a little freeze here—a little freeze there. Last week, we even had snow on the mountains. Even the rattlesnakes hibernate. So, when I go out to exercise, I layer my clothes; sweatshirt, jacket, scarf, gloves etc. But, what’s with these winter visitors from Wisconsin and Maine? They are out there in shorts and tee-shirts. Forty degrees is not summer! I guess no one told them.

Exercise is most important as one ages, and the senior residence, where I now live (Hacienda at the Canyon) offers all kinds of exercise programs. You could break a sweat and melt away easily if you took every athletic program offered. There are classes in Tai Chi, which show you how to breathe (breathing is very important) and manage your energy flow and balance. I wonder if the Tai Chi teacher could help me balance my checkbook. Now that is an exercise that really involves an energy flow.

After my hike today, I turned on PBS and listened to a beautiful symphony. I think it helped my energy flow. The next program was a lady doing chair exercises so old folks won’t develop blood clots. Since blood flow is as important as breathing, and since I was already sitting in a chair, I decided to follow her instructions. I did a sitting walk, stuck my legs out in every direction and moved  my feet and flapped my arms beautifully. I know the exercise was successful, because I did not fall off of my chair.

Joyful Movement is another class which is offered at Hacienda. It is supposed to unlock ones creative potential. So, creatively, I moved to my filing cabinet to sort my tax folders, so I could present them in logical order to my accountant. I don’t think this exercise unlocked my creative potential other than some colorful language, because taxes are anything but joyful.

So today, I hike, and avoided blood clots by jumping around in a chair (and not falling off) and did some weight lifting of tax files.The exercise room here is filled with all kinds of torture equipment and weights and lifts. Pilate and Yoga are coming.The joint will be jumping, as much as old folks can jump. But, unless we fall over, we will be  healthy.

Tomorrow, someone is leading a discussion on, “How to Improve Your Fitness.” Maybe talking about exercise just might be as good as actually doing it.  OH, NO, THAT JUST CAN’T BE.

Esther Blumenfeld

EVERYTHING IS AN ADVENTURE

When moving into a newly built building everything in an apartment is brand new, and just waiting to be tested out by those moving in. Sometimes this can prove to be quite an adventure.

My new neighbor and friend, Roxanne was waiting for the elevator to take her to her apartment, when a maintenance man joined her for the ride up.  He said, “Is your toilet flushing properly now?” “Yes,” she replied. “But I have a very strange problem with the shower in my second bathroom. It has no hot water. There’s hot water in the other bathroom shower, and in both bathroom sinks, but none in that bathroom shower.” He said, “You are right. This is unusual, I’ll come with you to see what is going on.”

Sure enough, when he turned on the hot water faucet in the uncooperative shower, there was no hot water. However, when he turned on the cold water faucet the water came out steamy hot. “Someone (no one has identified the guilty party) has installed these faucets backwards.” He added, “Your hot water is cold, and your cold water is hot.”

That is a bad trick to pull on an old person, because if I were to tell people that my hot water is cold and my cold water is hot, someone would probably throw a net over my head and shout, “She’s losing it!”

But Roxanne’s sad story doesn’t end there. She said, “It’s lovely that the garbage disposal is so quiet.” The maintenance Guru replied,”Yes, you have to put your ear near the sink to hear it.” At that, he turned on the disposal and  stuck his head into her sink. After, a few minutes, he popped his head out of the sink and said, “You are right. This disposal is really quiet. It’s not connected!”

After disposing of that problem, he should have stopped right there, but then he said, “These glass topped stoves are great. You turn off the burners and the glass is cool.” Meekly, Roxanne responded, “I don’t think so.” But, he had already placed his hand on the recently used front burner.

Stifling an obscenity, he ran out of her apartment. He didn’t even bother to inquire about her dishwasher,  refrigerator or washing machine. Oh, well—Tomorrow is another day.

Esther Blumenfeld

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

The grounds at Hacienda at the Canyon (where I now live) are truly beautiful. Trees and plants, flowering  bushes and cactus have been lovingly and strategically  placed by a team of experienced gardeners. However, as these gifts of nature mature, there may be some problems in the offing. Surely, the Chief Gardener can’t suffer from Gerontophobia—or can he?

Walking down a path, I noticed some lovely, young mesquite trees. Anyway, I thought them lovely until one got me with its thorns.  Oh, Oh!

Then, on the sidewalk, neatly planted in a row, leading to the outside door, that many old folks have to enter, I noticed a row of Aloe Vera plants—lovely leaves—until they mature with sharp points. Of course, if someone is stabbed, the Aloe Vera does have medicinal qualities. On the other side, of this sidewalk are a row of plant/bushes that will eventually grow together. That will be most attractive—especially to rattlesnakes—who really enjoy resting there. So, if some octogenarian  is stabbed by the Aloe Vera, he can jump back to be greeted by a rattlesnake.  We will call this walk, “The Old Person’s Gauntlet.” The folks at Hacienda emphasize that “exercise is good for you.” So, a little jumping around might keep that old ticker going.

Further down in the community, I spied some beautiful prickly pear cactus. To watch them grow and bear fruit is a distinct pleasure for desert dwellers like me.  This  resplendent cactus, and its delicious fruit, are also extremely attractive to Javelina (desert peccaries) who will amble through, knock over whatever is in their path, with their impressive horns,  to get to those treats.  Javelina don’t see well, but their sense of smell is acute—but their smell is not so cute.

Naturally, there are many more benign and beautiful plants and trees on the grounds. It will truly be my Garden of Eden. The good thing is, as far as I know, apple trees don’t grow in the desert.

Esther Blumenfeld

GLITCHES

When moving into a brand new place, one should expect to encounter some glitches. I now have hot water, but the heat seems to want to act like air conditioning. Oh, yes, it will be fixed. I had to learn how to use the microwave oven, my new dishwasher, and washing machine and dryer. The oven is no problem, because that’s where I keep my pots and pans. Everything is different, but discovering the new can be fun.

What’s not fun is turning off the light at night, crawling under the covers and discovering a light shining into your eyes through drawn blinds.  At first, I thought it was the spotlight on the tree beneath my window, so the next morning I called down to the gardeners to point the spot away from my window.  Unfortunately, they are probably good gardeners, but speak no English. Consequently, I ran to get my Spanish/English dictionary and shouted “No Luminaries en mi bordello” (unfortunately that is not a Spanish word.)  Anyway, they got the message and pointed the spotlight away from my window.

It didn’t help!  The next morning, I opened my door to get my newspaper, and one of the construction men was standing in the hall.  I said, “Are you an electrician?”  “No,” he replied, but these fellow are.  Are you having problems with the lights in your apartment?”  “No,” I replied, “But the light in the stairwell next to my apartment is shining into my bedroom.” He then explained the dilemma to the other two men, and all three of them marched into my bedroom to see the cause of the problem.  One man took pictures of the light to show to his boss.

Now, I am convinced that between yelling out the window about my bordello, and 3 helmeted men coming out of my apartment at 7 a.m., I will get a really interesting reputation with my new neighbors. I don’t care.  If that light keeps waking me up at 2 a.m. I will confess to anything.

Esther Blumenfeld