MONKEY BUSINESS

When I was a pre-teen, my parents and I went on vacation to New York City.  One afternoon, when I was on my own, I noticed a store that had a “Going Out Of Business” sign in the window. Being curious, I gravitated to the store. The salespeople paid me no mind, but a few minutes later, a young man wandered in. One of the salesmen growled, “ You need help?”  “No, thanks,” said the man. “I’m just browsing.”  “Then get outta here,” yelled the salesman. Not wanting to be eaten alive, the young man and I dashed out of the store. 

I don’t cotton to the notion that all New Yorkers are rude---anymore than I believe that all Southerners are charming. However, when conducting business, a little charm can go a long way. 

When I lived in Georgia, I took my Mother to a restaurant. As we were leaving, the waitress said, “Y’all come back now.” So, my Mother turned around and went back. When she returned she said, “That woman wanted me to come back, but when I did, she didn’t want me to come back now even though that’s what she said. I was confused, so I gave her another tip.”

Also, no matter in what part of the Country you live, being rude to a secretary, the person between you and the boss, is really dumb. Telling an off-color joke can delay your appointment for at least a year.

In my career, I worked for many editors, some better than others. I have a friend who is now a very successful author. At one point she and I worked for the same magazine. She was assigned a story, and conducted 40 interviews for background accuracy. When she submitted the article, the editor rejected it saying, “This is not what I want, but I don’t know what I want.” Happily, she did not slit her wrists or shoot him.  A good boss can inspire loyalty.  A bad boss needs to beware of what his employee might put into his coffee.

Recently, a friend of mine needed a loaf of Holiday Bread. She got to the bakery and discovered that she had left her wallet at home.  The baker gave her the bread anyway and said it was a gift. She went back the next day to repay him the money, but how can anyone repay that kindness?  How a person conducts business is really a microcosm of how he or she conducts one’s life.

I’ve never seen a tombstone that says, “He made a billion bucks!” No one cares, because in the end, it’s the business of being a good person that really is the best epitaph.

Of course if you go to the cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona you might read, “He was a no good son-of-a bitch who stole my horse, but I forgave him after they hung him.”  Even in the good old days, Monkey Business had its price.

Esther Blumenfeld

FACE TO FACE

Years ago, there was a saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” In 2026, a recent study found that “adults over the age of 25 are using 314 fewer words per day, and younger folks are using 451 fewer words.” It seems as if we are letting technology talk for us. 

Research published in PERSPECTIVES ON PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE by Valeria Pfeifer and Matthias R. Mehl illustrated the lost interactions—which we often call “small talk”—have been replaced by technology.  So, why does this matter? After all, some people are so stupid that it’s a blessing when they don’t talk to you. Perhaps restraint is good if human beings are still in control. Maybe it’s dumb luck when you don’t have to listen to too many words. However, capability should not outrun control. Social connection should be more than digital messaging.

Along with diminished words, people texting are missing cues by not making eye contact, and emojis worn’t really let you know what the other person is really thinking.  Communication involves congregating with other people.  When a person use a touchscreen, or self check-outs, or digital ordering of goods there really is no need to speak out loud.  You don’t even have to talk to yourself.  However, the less real time you share with other people chance are the more isolated you may feel.  Also, laughing by yourself isn’t as much fun as hearing your friend’s voice and laughing together.

Isolation does’t build relationships. As a matter of fact, missing cues by not seeing the face of the person with whom you are communicating can lead to misunderstandings such as, “I really never knew him before I married him.” There’s something gained by talking with someone face to face. Of course there’s something positive about losing lots of words.  You won’t have to remember them.

Social media is a lot like a Covid  epidemic when it comes to really meeting people. Cues are missed by not reading facial expressions, and feelings of isolation set in when you realize you and your screen are really alone.

When Covid vaccinations were finally developed residents of my Senior Residence were once again encouraged to come out of the isolation of our apartments, and  to gather and have dinner in the dining rooms. Tables were set far apart and a table that normally seated six people was set to serve two.  Consequently, the conversations around the room consisted of 
“What?”  “What?”  Maybe, texting would have been useful, because we were sitting too far apart to communicate, but it was so much fun to laugh with others again.

So here’s the message:  The more we learn about technology, the more restraint we should demand while humans are still in control, and the spoken word isn’t diminished to a  big WHAT? with no answer because we’ve lost the words.

Esther Blumenfeld

ALL THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

It’s a tradition in my home to start the day with a cup of java and a newspaper. When visiting with my family in Washington, DC, the Washington Post was a real treat, but in Tucson, Arizona I have to settle for the Arizona Daily Star---not a bad paper---but certainly not the Post. I know I can get the news on my computer screen or tablet, but somehow it’s just not the same for me as print on paper. 

So, here’s how I read my morning paper: I start by scanning the Sports Page. I’m not a sports fan, but knowing which team won and which team lost makes me look like less of a wuss to my friends. The weather is on the back of the Sports Section so that’s an easy page flip.

After I discard the Sports Page, I separate the funny papers and the television page from the rest of the paper. Sometimes the “Funnies” are really funny. The other day, there was a cartoon of a woman looking up into the sky, with a box on her head, and a drone delivered pizza running down her face. I understood that one. But, it is truly aggravating when I don’t comprehend the technical terms coming out of a bubble over a cartoon character’s head.

The Local News lets me know who shot his neighbor, which roads have the worst potholes, and which company is being fined for getting caught doing something they didn’t think they’d get caught for doing. 

On the Editorial Page, I especially enjoy reading “Letters to the Editor.”  Living in Arizona, it is always comforting to know that when an angry person has a pen in his hand he won’t be able to hold a gun.  

Also, I learn something new everyday when reading the “Advice Column.” Yesterday, it featured a letter asking, “Do chess and sex mix?” It is illuminating to learn that Strip Poker is no longer in style.

At this point, I usually get a second cup of coffee and browse the ad section. 

There are companies that offer “easy financing, free delivery and a guy who’s going to break your fingers if you don’t pay up.” (I made up that last part.)

I enjoy reading about an “authentic family owned service” That’s so much better than an unauthentic family service. The Dollar Store sells a can of coffee for $6.00. That is confusing.  I thought they sold everything for a single Yen.  And, I discovered that the cheapest item featured in the grocery store ads is a flu shot.

Finally, I turned to the front page to read about all the bad things that are in the forefront of today’s news. It’s always upsetting to read from day to day that humanity is not as advanced as technology.  Then I noticed a headline that informed me that,  “Exercising when angry may trigger a heart attack.” 

So, I read the obituary page to cheer myself up. Most people who live in the desert are well preserved and live to a ripe old age, and it’s always good news that my name is not on that page, because then I’d have to cancel my morning paper.

Esther Blumenfeld

DULL AS DISHWATER

A couple of days ago, I read a letter in the newspaper that was sent to a person who answers readers questions. The question was from a reader who suffers from boredom.  The expert’s answer was that, “You need more stimulation,” and he proceeded to offer some suggestions.

His first suggestion was: “Talk to another person.” Of course that conversation just could be “mind numbing” if the person you are talking to is “dull as dishwater.”  In other words if you talk with someone who is the “dimmest bulb in the chandelier,” obviously it won’t help your boredom. 

The second suggestion was to “Read a book.” I read lots of books, but I prefer to read a book that holds my attention.  A boring book can be worse than a boring person, but you can always put it down before you are “bored out of your skull.”

Many people think that thumbs are an excellent way to combat boredom if you use them for texting.  After all, you don’t have to talk to anyone, and when you are finished, you can always “twiddle your thumbs.”  The expert then wrote that it is always stimulating to learn something new such as learning to play the piano.  My parents survived my piano lessons, because everyday my Mother told me that I had practiced enough, but one of my piano teachers had a nervous breakdown.  I guess my fingers on the keys were “mind numbing.” I was also told by my 4th grade art teacher that my rendition of a dinosaur  was the worst she had ever seen. She was probably right since she was old enough to have seen one.

Another cure for boredom, according to the newspaper expert, was to “Take a Walk.”  In Tucson, taking a walk is never boring especially if it’s 110 degrees outside, or if you are strolling in a Monsoon downpour.  A walk on a path can also be exciting if you step on a rattlesnake. If that “does nothing for you” you are indeed easily bored.

His final suggestion was to “Do a household chore.”  This was a dangerous suggestion, because household chores can cause someone  to become “bored stiff” which makes her rigid.   If a person is “bored to death” it means that being bored actually feels painful, and makes you want to cry.  Of course, to me, a little crying sounds much better than cleaning a toilet.

The newspaper expert came to the conclusion that boredom is really a good thing. “To make the world more stimulating, bored people throughout time have made skyscrapers, music, poetry, movies, cities, submarines etc.”  I especially liked the submarine analogy, because if you are really bored why not take a deep dive into creativity.  It’s got to be more fun than “watching paint dry.”

Esther Blumenfeld

SOMEWHAT OVERCAST

As a child, one of my favorite activities was lying in the grass, on a warm summer’s day, staring at the clouds in the sky and imagining stories around the shapes they formed in my mind. Sometimes, I would see angels, or dragons, and even Neptune, the God of the Sea. I don’t know what Neptune was doing up in the sky, but, according to my fancy, He was there. Then the clouds would shift, and so would my images.

When grownups learned about my game, they tried to enlighten me by explaining that clouds are only a collection of tiny droplets of water or ice crystals, but I never quite believed them. Imagination is a wonderful thing.

In 1921, a psychologist named Rorschach developed a test where he recorded subjects’ projective perception of inkblots. Then, he interpreted what they saw in the blot.  I never took the inkblot test, but assume it was a cousin of my “cloud in the sky” game.  His test was later discredited as not being a valid tool in diagnosing mental illness (or I guess mental wellness.) I know that had I taken that test, he would have probably found me completely bonkers, because it’s no secret that I never was made for this world, and I probably would have said, “Looks as if you spilled some ink.”

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Grownups are still trying to ruin my cloud game. Recently, I was told that all the information, that the three billion users of the Internet, spew forth, is now stored in one of my clouds. As hard as I look, I have never seen the mass of floating pieces of data in the sky. However, I think I saw two turtles trying to catch a baby elephant. Maybe there’s a weird cloud hanging over Silicon Valley.  

I have learned that people hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see. “A lady viewing a portrait of a nude woman, said to the artist, Toulouse Lautrec, ‘Sir, Your painting is obscene!”’  “No, Madame,” he replied, “The obscenity is in your mind, not on my canvas.”

I don’t see any beauty about having floating data in the sky, but I’m sure that concept came from someone’s imagination. I wish he had imagined a filing cabinet and left my clouds alone. Then 3 billion people could file their information in an iCabinet instead of an iCloud.  Makes sense to me!

Esther Blumenfeld