BEING ME

Recently, I received a “Who Are You Anyway?” Questionnaire.  It started out just fine:
Name, Address, Phone Number, and Date.  But then the questions started getting nosy:

Birthdate:   In other words, “Will You live long enough to fill out this questionnaire?”

2.   Previous Address and How Long There?  If you answer, “One Week”, does that mean you are a deadbeat who didn’t pay the rent?

3.  “What language do you speak?” I answered, “Depends what country I’m in.”

4.  “Where did you grow up?”  “Missouri, South Dakota, Indiana, Michigan, Illinois, California, Georgia and Arizona…since I am still trying to do that!”

5.  “If you have children, where do they reside?”   “In a House.”

6.  “Where did you go to school?” “Kindergarten in Springfield, Missouri.”

7.  “Do you have any pets?” “I have a hummingbird who sits in the fake tree on my patio every afternoon.”

8.  “Are you interested in pet therapy?” “Sure!” “Can I complain about my neighbor’s dog?”

9.  “Do you prefer group or solo activities?” “ Depends on what we are doing.  I like to shower by myself. However, sometimes I prefer a solo activity in a group.”

10. “What brightens your day?”  “Brushing my teeth.”

11.  “What would today’s prayer include?”  “ That I never, ever am asked to fill out a questionnaire letting you get to know me.”

Esther Blumenfeld