Gremlins In My Furnace

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend because they appreciate in value. Unfortunately, even though they cost the same, not only do furnaces and air conditioners not appreciate in value, they seem to age faster than grandma’s fruitcake. So, in October, not looking forward to another air conditioning breakdown in the summer, I decided to bite the bullet and replace both existing units with top-of-the-line energy saving machines.

Included in my purchase, was a Wi-Fi programmable touch screen thermostat, with Internet connections to both my computer and the computer of the installing company. This amazing contraption does everything except bake bread. Everything was installed, everyone left and all was well with the world--- until in the middle of the night--- my super-duper thermostat lit up the hallway with an alert, “Watch guard Flame failure on Ignite!”

I woke up and thought, “Oh, My God, I’m going to die!” I frantically pushed some functions on my touch screen, and then I called the emergency number of the installing company. A sleepy technician patiently assured me that I was in no danger. “Thanks,” I said. “Now tell me how to unlock my thermostat.” He said, “Hold you finger on ‘Lock,’ and then it will automatically unlock.” Now, I was a wiz on my programmable thermostat. The flame obviously was working, because the house was warm.

Unfortunately, this was only the beginning of the “Failure On Ignite” messages, and after several service calls, it became clear that there was an hour delay between ignite and heat, but not consistently. And, by the time the service folks arrived at my house, the gremlin in my furnace had started the heat cycle.  So, the owner of the installing company called the engineering guru at the prestigious furnace company for advice. The engineer suggested that something might be amiss with the regulator on my gas line.

Southwest Gas sent an old man to my house, who had obviously been inhaling gas fumes for many years. After knocking down all of the brooms, mops, rakes and buckets in my storage room, and examining my gas lines, he looked at me and said, “There is nothing wrong with your gas.” “How about my furnace?” I asked. “I don’t know about furnaces, I just know about gas,” he replied. So much technology. So little talent.

Now it was time to install a new control panel in the furnace. The brave technician came on a Saturday to install the panel. It didn’t work, so he put the old panel back into the furnace. He called me that evening and told me that his boss had informed him that after installing the new panel; he needed to reprogram the Wi-Fi thermostat. He returned on Sunday morning at 8 a.m. with the new panel, determined to fix the problem. So far, so good!

My friend, Barbara told me that it took her heating company two years to find the problem with her new furnace. It kept blowing cold air, and they couldn’t find the reason. A roofer solved the problem. While standing on her roof, his hair kept blowing in the wind---on a day when there was no wind. He climbed off the roof, looked at her thermostat, and informed her that a fan had been programmed to run constantly. Problem solved!

I can’t wait to try my new air conditioner in the summer.

Esther Blumenfeld (Getting messages from my thermostat, that I never wanted in the first place, is giving me a new sense of purpose.)