NO SHRINKING VIOLET

My 97-year-old Aunt Ruth is the incredible shrinking woman. However, although she has lost inches, she has never lost her moxie. Her body may be frail, and her hearing may be failing, but her keen wit is as sharp as ever---as illustrated when I interviewed her during my recent visit to her home in Buffalo, New York. Yes, she still lives in her own house.

Esther: Aunt Ruth, what is your secret to getting old?
Ruth: I refuse to die!

Esther: What is the best way to raise little children?
Ruth: Let them do whatever they want, unless they crawl into bed with you too early in the morning.

Esther: What is the secret to being a good wife?
Ruth: Be your own person, and if he doesn’t like it after he marries you---to Hell with him.

Esther: Who was your favorite person in history?
Ruth: Napoleon. Because he was smart enough to go to Elba where no one would bother him anymore.

Esther: If you could have a conversation with anyone in the world, who would that be?
Ruth: President Obama.
Esther: What would you say to him?
Ruth: When is Congress finally going to leave Washington? I can’t take it anymore!

Esther: What is your favorite time of day?
Ruth: My favorite time of day is evening, because it’s almost bedtime. I like to sleep. I sleep very well, because I read the funny papers before I turn off the light. I don’t think the funnies are as funny as they used to be years ago. Why do you think that is?
Esther: This is my interview Aunt Ruth. You can’t switch it on me.
Ruth: Well, I tried my best.

Esther: What is your favorite story?
Ruth: I like the one about the seven dwarfs. I like their pointed hats, because I imagine they are hiding something under there.

Esther: What is your favorite book?
Ruth: That’s easy. I love It’s A Big World Charlie Brown. I have always liked Peanuts because he is such a pitiful little fellow. I would like to help him, but he never learns.

Esther: If you could have anyone here to visit you, who would that be?
Ruth: Well, dead people don’t walk, but I’d like to see my husband. He had his ups and downs---but then, so did I.

Esther: What do you think about cell phones and computers?
Ruth: They are helpful, but the time will come that no one will leave the house, and you won’t know your neighbors. That could be a good thing, but you’ll never know.

Esther: What is your favorite swear word?
Ruth: Let me think about that. There are so many good ones. (In Polish she said)
“The cholera should get you.”
Esther: I didn’t know you spoke Polish.
Ruth: I don’t, but I can swear in Polish.

Esther: What do you think of today’s television shows?
Ruth: I don’t watch Reality Shows, because there is no such thing.

Esther: Why do you want to eat cake before dinner?
Ruth: Because I’m hungry for cake and not chicken.

Esther: What do you think about the winters in Buffalo?
Ruth: It’s always colder in Rochester.

Esther: Is there anything you’d like to say to end our interview?
Ruth: If I’m in the room---don’t forget that I am here.

As if anyone could---my dear Aunt---as if anyone could. You are unforgettable!

Esther Blumenfeld (Watch out for the walker. She’s Hell on wheels.)