Friday, November 23, 2018 at 01:05PM
Esther Blumenfeld

Have you ever said to yourself, “I can do that!  

Well, in 1982, I did just that. I sent some jokes, I had written, to Phyllis Diller. She liked them well enough to write to me,”I don’t know whether you’d be interested in ‘Ghost Writing’ for me. I realize that in that situation the ego suffers, but the money helps.”

When I received her check, I realized that the stipend she paid for gags would help her much more than me, so I respectfully declined. However, when going through my files, I found not only her letter, but some jokes that I had written, and that I had never mailed out.

So, dear readers, with a bit of updating, I will share these stories, that have never seen the light of day, nor slid off a comic’s tongue. Allowing for a bit of updating, I hope that you will enjoy them, and that some of them may bring you a well-deserved chuckle. They were written to be said…not read, so keep that in mind.

“I have the same clothes designer as Melania Trump. Isn’t it amazing what this body can do for those clothes.”

“My neighbor’s kitchen is so clean she says, ‘You can eat off my floor.’ That’s okay if you don’t mind the taste of Mop-N-Glo.’”

“My husband doesn’t talk too much, but when he does he always has something good to say. He says,—-‘Good Morning!’   Good Night!”’

“President Trump thinks the space shuttle is the answer to unemployment. He’s sending Detroit to the moon.”

“I used to tease my hair until the Humane Society put a stop to that.”

“John Bolton keeps shaping our foreign policy. I just wish he’d stop using Silly Putty.”

“I’m not that kind of girl—-that kind a woman—Maybe!”

(In memory of Phyllis Diller)  “Everybody says my friend Milton Berle steals jokes. I didn’t believe it until today— I caught him walking off with Fang.”

“I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that my plastic surgeon asked me to pose for some before and after pictures for a magazine. The bad news is that I’m still the  before.”

“I dreamed I was in a movie with Clint Eastwood. He asked me,  “How do you want it?” I answered,’Any which way but loose.”’


Esther Blumenfeld

Article originally appeared on Humor Writer (http://www.ebnimble.com/).
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