Dry Martinis And Other Weather

Last summer, I took a trip to Washington, DC, but due to unusual weather, I had to pack both my hurricane and my earthquake outfits. “On the go” has taken on a whole new meaning due to climate change.

Richard Muller, physicist at the University of California Berkeley thought previous studies based on global heat balance were wrong, so global warming deniers eagerly funded his independent Berkeley Earth Surface Temperature (BEST) project.  But, things didn’t quite work out as they expected. Former skeptic, Dr. Muller said, “Our biggest surprise was that the new results agreed so closely with the warming values previously published by other teams in the United States and the United Kingdom. Global warming is real. Perhaps our results will help cool this portion of the climate debate.”

The deniers who had embraced him are now attacking his credibility, and turning to people like the British charlatan, Lord Monckton, who has absolutely no expertise whatsoever in this area, but is denying away at his heart’s content, while also claiming he has discovered cures for numerous diseases.

I’m not sure if it was Monckton who started the rumor that polar ice is melting, because those pesky white bears have extraordinarily hot breath and keep panting on the glaciers, but he can say anything he wants---and there are people out there who will make it worth his while, and others who will believe him.

Of course, as droughts choke out the crops, seas rise, icebergs melt and polluted air becomes more toxic, we can always ignore science and say, “Hey, it’s not our fault!” So whose fault is it?

Jay Leno said it best: “Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix global warming. You know, it’s as if these people don’t hate us enough already. I mean, they live in mud huts, they have thatch roofs, and their clothes are made of straw. We pull up in a bunch of Humvees and SUVs going, “Hey, you want to cut the smoke out of here?”

Solution: Texas is cracking from drought. Move Texas to Bangkok. They have plenty of water.

Esther Blumenfeld (Whether it’s cold, or whether it’s hot, there’s going to be weather, whether or not.)